Cover Girl

A couple of Saturdays ago, Mike took the twins to an open house at the volunteer fire department. A photographer from the local paper took Lauren's picture and she ended up on the cover of a weekly newsletter. Click on the picture to see the publication.

Am REALLY trying to figure out ...

what my kids' fascination is with putting pants on their heads?!!

A more literal way to drive us crazy

Our neighbors' daughters outgrew their Barbie Jeep, and Lauren and Maddie were the beneficiaries. Lauren is quite proud of her newfound ability to do doughnuts in the front yard. Maddie has mixed emotions about being a passenger during Lauren's excursions. She's getting a very early preview of what it might be like as a parent to ride shotgun with a child who needs steering practice.

Lauren got a crash course in some of the rules of the road. Steering and talking on her telephone are not a great mix, for example ...

... and might lead to a fender bender. (No harm done, Auntie Julie!)

Quality Parenting Moment #92731

First sentence in the note from Leah's school speech pathologist: "She was singing about beer today." Luckily the second sentence was, "Hilarious."

Once again, we have The Simpsons to thank. Some might think Mike and I should be smacked upside the head for leaving the stash of Simpsons episodes on the TiVo (and for adding to them, since we still have a Season Pass). In our defense, any parent of an autistic kid will tell you that willingly getting rid of something that is motivating to your child is about as smart as flushing money down the toilet.

Leah's current favorite is the season premiere, in which Homer finds himself on Mr. Burns' deluxe corporate jet after saving him from a mall fountain. Lionel Richie provides onboard entertainment, and obligingly performs a version of "Say You, Say Me" in which he substitutes the word "beer" for all of the lyrics. Get the tune in your head and then sing along: "Beer, beer. Beer, beer. Beerbeerbeerbeerbeer ..." You get the idea. Last night, during her end-of-day stim time with the remote control in our bedroom, she was practically rolling on the floor. Needless to say, she used her thorough working knowledge of the remote to rewind that scene a bunch of times. Seeing Leah crack herself up that completely was pretty hilarious to watch, so a vicious cycle was born. Leah sang, dissolved in laughter, and then started over again when she caught us giggling at her.

Clearly she decided to entertain the troops at school also. We are, of course, thrilled that she chose to show off this new routine to a building full of mandated reporters. I wonder if she also tried her second-favorite line from that episode, which cracks her up almost as much as the beer song. She greeted me with it when I walked into the bedroom to see what all the laughter was about, and I can imagine her using it when she gets off the bus:

"My name is Svetlana."

Waking up the echoes

Heather and I were thrilled to be present for Notre Dame's first (and sadly, still only) victory of the season. Young Jimmy Clausen maintained his perfect record -- he is now 45-0 in Southern California, as our friend Doug pointed out after the game. While I am a huge fan of The House That Rock Built -- I have many happy memories there of yelling myself hoarse and ducking flying oranges (I was there at the zenith of the Notre-Dame-Miami rivalry) -- clearly Notre Dame should look into renting the Rose Bowl for the remainder of the season. It might also help if Heather and I were to take hiatuses (hiatii?) from our regular lives and follow the Irish, perhaps in a state-of-the-art RV with Onward to Victory painted on the sides in blue and gold. Since ND's only win this season occurred in our presence, it seems it's the least we can do to help the team.

Besides, continued tailgating involving jello shots might produce more pictures of Heather that look like this:

I. Hate. The Vikings.

I am in the throes of post-suicide pool depression, having once again been eliminated from Dave Renbarger's annual march to riches. Sigh. No more fantasies about the $1,600+ pot. My bookmarks pertaining to the latest NFL lines will go unused until next year. Sigh.

The architects of my despair this year are, once again, the Minnesota Vikings. I have two teams I avoid picking like the plague -- the Vikings and the Carolina Panthers. Both have failed me on more than one occasion in the past. But apparently I need to avoid any game in which the Vikings are playing, not just the ones they should be able to win. Yesterday they beat the Bears with a last-second field goal and once again sent my suicide pool season into the toilet. And of course, the other two teams I contemplated picking won easily. I hope it's the last game the @%*& Vikings win this season.

A (very small) consolation prize -- I do have minor family bragging rights, since Mike was eliminated a few weeks ago. In the end, however, we both won the same thing: Nothing. Our bank accounts are equally empty.

Quality parenting moment #86342

I was driving home late one afternoon with only Lauren in the car, sitting in the seat directly behind me. I could see the top of her head bobbing in my rearview mirror and suspected she might be falling asleep. I asked her, "Lauren, are you awake?" A dumb question, given who I was talking to, since Lauren is the child who currently declines to speak above a whisper. I couldn't hear her, couldn't see her if I wanted to keep my bumpers in roughly the same shape they were in when I left the house, and for some reason, at that moment, I really wanted to know whether she was awake. I decided to ask her to demonstrate a newly acquired skill.

I said, "Burp if you're awake."

She complied.

OK, I'm sorry

REALLY sorry for all of the clothes I refused to lend you growing up, and for the time I clocked you over the head with a toy guitar, and the time my friend and I signed most of the pages in your autograph book, and for any insensitive sisterly commentary on any subject, including but not limited to braces, hair, facial imperfections, clothing, friends, dating, or choice of hair products.

I'm going to back away slowly now.

Thanks, Auntie Julie

Lauren and Maddie want to give a special shout-out to Auntie J. for leaving them in charge of her car. They've been giving it lots of personal attention.

Maddie is hoping her appearance in the following will cancel out any extra fingerprints found on the windows:

Leah's Portfolio

The start of school has lowered Leah's output somewhat, but she still finds time to create more pictures than I can keep up with. Among her recurring themes is the Peanuts gang. Ever since Auntie Julie eagerly introduced the troops to A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving a couple of years ago (and then lamented that they made her watch it three times -- be careful what you wish for!), all three kids have been loved collecting the old holiday specials and movies on DVD. In this picture, you can see Schroeder, Lucy, Charlie Brown, and Linus. Now if I could just get her to quit putting eggs in the oven (a la Marcy in It's the Easter Beagle ...), we'd be in good shape and I wouldn't have to try to hide them in the fridge. Good grief!

Frogs at Last

After watching Leah prepare for another school year -- with accompanying new shoes and bags of school supplies --
Lauren and Maddie were quite excited to put on their "first day of school" outfits and pick up their backpacks again. They headed back to the preschool at a nearby Methodist church and professed to be pleased to be in the Frog class (four-year-olds), as opposed to the lowly Tadpole class (the threes). They get to eat lunch at school this year and had fun hitting me up for lunch bags. Lauren picked Little Einsteins; Maddie went for Spider Man. Both have come home tired during the first couple of weeks. Maddie loudly denies that she needs any kind of quiet time in her room, then ends up being the one who conks out on her bed when I ignore protests and make them take it.

D'Oh!

In case you thought Leah was lying low during Maddie's songwriting frenzy, it should be noted that she achieved a milestone of her own recently. We often wondered if or when she'd ever ask us a question, so you can imagine Mike's amazement when she asked him, "Daddy, what's that?"

She was camped out on our bed at the time, scrolling through an episode of The Simpsons on our TiVo. (Another dubious recent achievement is Leah's mastery of, and subsequent obsession with, remote controls. We have had to find some creative hiding places, and when we forget we are apt to find her in a frenzy of rewinding and fast-forwarding to favorite scenes.) The episode featured a vignette called "Revenge of the Geeks," featuring Milhouse wielding a revenge machine against the bullies of Springfield Elementary. We see him choosing from a variety of settings, from 'wedgie' on up. So when Leah stunned Mike by asking him a question, she wanted him to read some words from the screen. Unfortunately, the answer to the first "Daddy, what's that?" was "Purple Nurple" and the follow-up "Daddy, what's that?" was "Wet Willie."

The autism experts always say that language gains come when the kids are highly motivated. As long as she doesn't greet her teachers with a big "Good Morning, Dinguses," we'll probably be all right.

(Off Her) Rocker

In the waning days of our long, hot, strange summer, Maddie seems to be possessed by the spirit of Jimi Hendrix. No longer satisfied with sweet-faced renditions of "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star," our Madeleine has discovered rock and roll. She announced that she was going to give a concert. ("Not a big one. A little one," she said, holding her thumb and forefinger about an inch apart.) It took Mom a few renditions of Maddie's original single, "Rock it Down," to remember that we had a means of recording it, probably because I was so busy trying to figure out whether there was any way we accidentally let her watch "School of Rock." The visible panty lines -- in Maddie's case, visible over the waistband of her skirt -- give her first music video an extra edgy look. Apologies for the shaky camera work -- recording and laughing are not always compatible.

Just as Elton John announced he will never again perform his Diana tribute version of "Candle in the Wind," Maddie also issued a performance embargo on "Rock it Down" on the grounds that it really isn't funny. Fortunately for her public (and her parents, who are still hoping one of their children will support them in their old age), Maddie wasn't done songwriting. Her new single, "A Rocket Landed on the Roof Last Night," with sister Lauren on keyboards, is about to drop. Below, an exclusive preview:*

* We discovered this morning that most of "A Rocket Landed on the Roof ..." is borrowed from an episode of Between the Lions. I can't decide whether to feel regret or relief that Maddie did not actually come up with the lyrics herself. The arrangement, however, is undoubtedly her own.

Surfers Healing

It ain't exactly professional quality, but if you keep your eye on the center of this video, you'll see Leah surfing (the guy in blue is holding her) ...



Here she is at closer range having fun in the very rough waves. Next to her is Karen (from the wedding post), who is living in the Virginia Beach area now and came to see Leah.



It was a great day and we're already looking forward to next year (although Mike will be happier if the drive down is less than 6 1/2 hours).

Finding her voice again

Lauren's speech at home is approaching normal levels, with one notable quirk: She is doing her talking through her teeth. Getting her to talk in school is going to be a more challenging job, but for now I'm happy to be hearing her voice again. Attached is a short video of my two exhibitionists singing 'Twinkle, twinkle ...' It quickly devolves into all-out goofiness (video editing is not in my skill set at the moment), but I thought those who haven't heard Lauren's voice in awhile might enjoy it anyway.

More from HersheyPark

Rides were ridden. Copious amounts of chocolate were consumed (except by Lauren). We had a great time and will definitely be back.

Leah spent most of Tuesday riding grade 3 (out of 5) roller coasters. She rode this one four times and another three times.

Maddie conquered the forbidding Carousel and Lady Bug ride.

Lauren had a great time on all the kiddie rides.

Alison and Mike survived.

On to Virginia Beach tomorrow and Surfers Healing day on Saturday.

More photos on ...

www.flickr.com

Mike is bracing for divorce papers

No way can I compete with this.

Waves to you from HersheyPark

Here's Lauren looking over the wave pool at HersheyPark today. We arrived yesterday and will return home Wednesday.

Lauren wanted no part of the wave pool but liked the gentler kiddie pool. Maddie eventually loved the wave pool but was terrified of (yes, really) the merry-go-round. Leah wanted to stay in the wave pool until winter but eventually moved on to other rides, never wanting to stay still for long.

What are quirk-free kids like, anyway? As if anybody in our audience would know anything about that.

More posts coming later in the week from here and Surfer's Healing in Virginia Beach.

HamFam at the pool

The happiest surprise of the summer has been Leah's swimming. She hasn't had a lesson since last summer and is basically teaching herself.



Definitely showing her Florida roots there.

Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?

We did. On the way to Mike's work party last Saturday, we drove by the one in Bladensburg, MD -- one of 12 7-Elevens to undergo the transformation in anticipation of the Simpsons movie. Their stock of Krusty-Os and pink frosted donuts were selling pretty well; people buying Simpsons memorabilia were taking the 'kwik' out of 'Kwik-E-Mart.' No one seemed to mind, though - a good chunk of the people in the store were also Simpsons tourists, snapping pictures and laughing at the Simpsons touches throughout the store.

We uploaded the rest of our pictures to Flickr, which you can view by clicking below:

www.flickr.com