Why I love Craigslist

Every so often, I advertise for home program therapists on Craigslist. I've found some very good people through my Craigslist ad, which very clearly states (this will be important later) that I'm looking for someone to work with my autistic daughter and gives a brief summary of our program and the hours needed.

I'm usually able to triage my respondents pretty quickly -- the ones who look great on paper; the ones who look okay, which means they may be great in person or total duds; and the ones who should not have bothered to reply to the ad. Sometimes I'm wrong -- crappy applicants can come in some very good disguises. In the past, I've had one show up an hour late for an interview, and a few not show up at all. Another one had great credentials on paper, but virtually no personality when she arrived. She cut the interview off early, citing a family situation, said she'd follow up with me, and I never heard from her again. Which was fine, since our conversation would have revolved around me telling her I'd hired someone else.

This go-round has been notable for a few hilariously bad initial responses:

Hi.. So i was looking around and i saw your ad, I was curious if this was still for sale? Let me know! Thanks

Although I freely acknowledge I have occasionally been tempted to sell all three of my children to the highest bidder, I assure you I have never acted on that impulse.

Hi, Your ad is just want i wanted, but does this work 100% properly? Please contact me soon! Thank You

I checked, and I did not inadvertently substitute the words "refrigerator we just replaced" for "home therapists."

Dear Hiring Manager:

I am actively seeking a job as an Instruction Designer. I am an accomplished and quality-focused individual with years of experience and strong track record as a professional. Throughout my career I consistently establish integrity, quality and professionalism to provide organizations with broad array of services.

Although economical and environmental factors have not provided the job security I seek, it has provided me with a well-rounded history of organization, management, and solid knowledge base within my employment history.

Through a balanced combination of know-howe, I offer a demonstrated ability to exceed expectations from business and quality service perspectives. I believe my solid experience, expertise, education and character will make me a very suitable candidate for the Instructional Designer position.

My resume can only go so far in detailing what I can bring to your organization. This is why I believe it would serve us best to meet personally, in an interview, to discuss your needs and to demonstrate how I can add to your bottom line through my skills, expertise and experience.

Again thank you for your time and attention. Thank you in advance for considering my value offer. I look forward to our conversation.

Insert jokes about our bottom line here. I was curious, so I opened the resume attachment. Here's the summary:

Perceptive, creative, and disciplined business leader, expert in tackling the complex challenges of driving continuous improvement. Has an outstanding track record in identifying and analyzing uncertainties, risks, and opportunities that generate future growth, and tailoring business solutions through traditional and innovative avenues. A change agent, resourceful and inventive, acknowledged for elevating revenues, boosting team performances, and creating an environment of achievement for management and staff.

I wouldn't mind elevating my revenues, but at this point I was wondering what was up on Craigslist -- a server snafu, or an unusual number of people who can't read? I did receive a good number of responses from people who actually seemed to know what the ad said.

This one was my favorite:

Sup?

I got your ad on Craigslist
I am going make this message

short and sweet.
If you're interested to make a 'lil bit money on the internet,
then look at this page called: XXX

I am not going to bore you with a bunch of facts...
But, I will tell you that it will help.
Pretty much you bid on things,
and then resell it for more. The website is cool!
You can get a iPad there for like 1 to 2 dollars.

I'm bringing in around an extra $250 a day
just by selling the items I get on the
website and putting it on e-Bay.

Tell me how it goes!

Right in the trash, my friend.

I am interested in your ad. I am preschool teacher with Bachelors Degree in Elemntary Education. I have no previous expereince working with autistic children but it sounds interesting andc after I checked bfiefly the progam you mentioned you are using I think it would be great learning axperience.

I live in XXX. If you are still in search of a person to work with your girl please feel free to contact me with some more details as how namy hours a week/ month would you need and the kind of activities expected, is there a set curriculum or you just work on skills needed at the moment?

Spelling. Lots of spelling.

The last one could be a candidate for Teacher of the Year, but I allow one typo before I stop reading. If I were a career counselor, I would nag all of my clients to write their cover letters as though they were corresponding with someone with a nasty copy-editing habit. I would also advise them to read the ads they're answering.