Ghosts of Christmas Past: 2004

Two toddlers. A singleton unsure how she felt about their newfound mobility. Need I say more?

Christmas 2004

Dear Santa,

We are eagerly anticipating your visit this year. Leah is honing her cookie-baking skills, including removing shells from the eggs and actually sticking to the recipe, instead of trying to improve it by adding half a bag of ground coffee to the batter.

With the big day approaching, we felt it was time to clear up any lingering misconceptions about our behavior. Lauren and Maddie, for example, are concerned that their motive for unrolling all that toilet paper might not be immediately obvious. They want to ensure the family is adequately supplied, and feel that counting each square allows them to inform their parents exactly when to add Charmin Ultra to the grocery list. As for the number of squares placed in the toilet bowl during these endeavors, Lauren and Maddie are trying to be extra-helpful by ensuring that all toilets in the house are flushing properly. Adding toilet paper is a quick way to spot potential problems. The twins are also trying to help when they count the Kleenex, and are also testing the ease with which each tissue may be removed from the box. The last thing a cold or flu sufferer will want is difficulty obtaining relief.

Leah also is worried about misunderstandings, particularly about the number of times she has been forced to remove toys from her sisters’ custody. Leah is very concerned about preserving family heritage, and the damage that small and inexperienced hands may inflict on priceless potential heirlooms. While she acknowledges that her actions may upset Lauren and Maddie now, she also feels that they will thank her years from now when they are able to pass Hokey Pokey Elmo on to their own children in near-mint condition.

All three of us want you to know that any relocation of Christmas tree ornaments is strictly for aesthetic purposes, as well as a continuation of family traditions. It was Mommy, after all, who once was a frequent ornament-switcher in her efforts to perfect the tree. True, some ornaments have ended up on the windowsill or dotting the living room floor; these are creative choices, and Mommy’s insistence on putting them back on the tree simply demonstrates a rather limited vision. Any breakage during this process is a small price to pay for art, don’t you think?

And while we’re on the subject of Christmas decorations, Lauren and Maddie would like to point out that if Fisher Price did not intend their nativity set to be mingled with other toys, they should not have designed baby Jesus to fit so nicely on the Circus Train. Judging by the smile on his face, Jesus quite enjoyed the rides he was given.

Knowing all that, we know you agree that there’s really no option here but to place all three of us high on your “nice” list for 2004. We look forward to putting out the cookies and milk again this year.

Sincerely,

Leah, Lauren, and Madeleine Hamilton